He Said, She Said – Overcoming Gender Bias in Communication
People are judged by they way they communicate, and overcoming gender bias in communication is an ongoing challenge. Some of this judgment stems from our word choices. Impressions are also created through body language and tone, which impact how messages are interpreted. There is also widely cited evidence of gender differences in communication.
Deborah Tannen, Ph.D. captured the challenge of gender differences and communication perfectly. She wrote:
At first we assumed they [women] could simply talk the way they always had, but this often doesn’t work. Another logical step is that they should change their styles and talk like men. Apart from the repugnance of women’s having to do all the changing, this doesn’t work either, because women who talk like men are judged differently – and harshly. We have no choice but to examine our choices and their effects. Only by understanding each other’s styles and our own options can we begin to realize our opportunities […] (page 18).
When men and women speak, using the same behaviors, the perceptions can be drastically different. For example, when a man is louder and to the point, the message is often perceived positively by both men and women. When a woman uses a similar volume and number of words, she may be accused of being bossy and aggressive. Yet, when she is softer and more verbose, she is perceived as weak and ineffective. Many women remain frustrated by this damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t double bind.
The issue is in the way confidence and leadership are perceived and evaluated. An extremely competent person who is soft-spoken, detail-oriented, and inclusive of others may deliver an amazing presentation and still lose out to someone else who is louder, more action-oriented, forceful, and aggressive – simply because the latter characteristics are widely associated with confidence and ability.
The good news is that companies and their boards are recognizing the value of being inclusive of a wider variety of perspectives and styles.
Companies that value all communication and working styles will perform better. Gallup Research estimates that $300-400 billion is lost annually to corporations due to ineffective communication and collaboration within teams. Ouch.
So, take serious stock of how you communicate and how you judge and evaluate others based on how they communicate. Become aware of your natural biases and work to overcome them. This effort can do as much to increase the true respect you receive (not that which your title affords you) as much as anything else you do. It absolutely is worth the effort.